Living Backwards

 Many of the books I have read and listened to recently and even podcasts have dealt with the concepts of being, consciousness, perception, the vastness of the universe and even quantum physics. Questions are often posed which focus on state of mind and belief systems. Maybe it is a result of getting older and pondering what comes after this but these readings seem to keep falling in my path.

It may be a result of the pandemic and losing so many friends to Covid and to other events and diseases. It may be we attract what we need to hear. One concept which has fascinated me is the idea of living backwards. Bear with me. If you know what you know now and could change past events by reliving them, would you? With age, some wisdom does surface with experience, but would you change your choices? Would you know which ones to change and which to leave alone? Because, after all, the “butterfly effect.” is real.

For example, what if I had made a different choice of city to move for work after college? If I had chosen a different profession? Would I know my husband? Would I have my same children? Would I have children at all? Would I have my lifelong friendship with Gail? Not have my children. My husband. Not have my friendship? Unthinkable.

What I am curious about are the “what if” scenarios. I would love to see a movie reel of various choice outcomes. Scientists say all of these scenarios exist in the quantum universe. Do I want to step in? I don’t think so; I just want to be an observer. I want to watch my various life-choice movies.

What I would like, is to know what I know for sure now, and see how my life would play out. Fun idea, yes? Or no?

HARRY'S TREES- MAY 2022 BOOK SELECTION

 I listened to Harry’s Trees by Jon Cohen as an audible selection. Harry Crane suffers an unconscionable and tragic loss. Without seeking it, he becomes extraordinarily wealthy as a result of the loss. Unable to reconcile himself to living, he quits his job and plans what he believes to be the only solution.

This story follows his journey. A sweet and magical tale, Harry’s only solace becomes trees and the forest that has always comforted him. Cohen weaves the story through an encyclopedic knowledge of trees convincing us they have personalities and intention.

A cast of wonderfully quirky and well-drawn characters create a world that sweeps Harry up and carries him forward. Magical elements which reference things unseen and unknown are played with a light hand. The synchronicity of events which follow and can only be unexplained, is wholly satisfying.

Truly beautiful for lovers of the natural world. Read with an open heart.

Reunion 2022

 It’s been three years since we gathered. There are always some missing. This time three. My sister, her daughter and one of my second brother’s sons. Still, nineteen made it! A record! The reunions are rare. The pandemic made it more so. The brief lull last fall was all it took for me to try to organize it. My family means everything to me. We are spread from California to Chili to Alabama to Tennessee to South Carolina to Arizona. Herding cats. But willing cats. My oldest brother chooses not to travel at all, so we traveled to him. His daughter hosted our get-togethers to avoid too many public outings.

I can’t remember seeing so many beloved faces at one time. It was soul-filling happiness. Ages ranged from 2 ¾ to 78 years. There was individual time, group time, hikes, breakfasts, dinners, swimming, games, shopping, dancing, a birthday party, laughter and just a bit of drama.

For as long as I am able, I will try to implement these events. I wouldn’t trade the time for anything. I keep asking myself, “How did I get so lucky?” Then I spit over both shoulders, as my friend Ellen taught me, to ward off any lurking mischievous spirits that want to steal our joy.

 All of these:

From these:

And Before That:

And:

BOTH/AND: A LIFE IN MANY WORLDS- APRIL 2022 BOOK SELECTION

In her memoir, Both/And: A Life in Many Worlds, Huma Abedin recounts her childhood through the present. Born in America, Abedin is the daughter of Indian and Pakistani parents. At age two, she moved with her family to Saudi Arabia. There, as a Muslim, she and her siblings were raised and educated by very progressive parents. For college she attended George Washington University and close to graduation applied for and was accepted as an intern working for Hillary Clinton during the Clinton administration. When the administration changed, Abedin remained in numerous and varied capacities working for the former first lady; through HRC’s two bids for the White House as well as her tenure as Secretary of State under President Barack Obama.

A marriage to the now infamous Anthony Weiner produced one son. Abedin recounts in great detail her years with Hilary Clinton as well as the devastation of her unfortunate marriage. This is an informative and fascinating read regarding the machinations of political life as seen behind the scenes. She also examines the way scrutiny in the public eye can alter your life irrevocably.

If you are interested in one account of political life as well as how the author navigated a shattering break-up, it is a worthwhile read.

 

Yoga Life

 Many years ago while pursuing a degree in counseling, I interned at a state mental health center as one of my practicums. The format of the center included individual therapy and group therapy as well as a selection of classes designed to enrich and augment the therapy process.

One of the classes I assisted in was yoga.  It was the first time I was exposed to Hatha Yoga. I used this ancient practice not only in later counseling treatment but in my own personal life. It was truly a life-altering. The teacher, Diana Alstad, received a PhD from Yale and was a professor at Duke University in the Humanities before changing course to pursue yoga, write, and do workshops full time. This brief bio doesn’t begin to cover her accomplishments since.

Although I haven’t always been faithful in my practice, it has remained a constant in my life. I truly believe that continued practice, whatever your level, can insure better health and a longer life. It has been a gift and I strongly encourage anyone and everyone to try it at least once.

In finding a teacher, my recommendation is to rely on word-of-mouth. If you try one class and the teacher pushes you too far, too fast, you’re in the wrong place. It is for everyone regardless of their level of flexibility, age or strength.

Another misconception is that yoga is for the “woo-woo,” hippie set. Nothing could be further from the truth. It’s for anyone who wants better health.

DRIVE YOUR PLOW OVER THE BONES OF THE DEAD-MARCH 2022 BOOK SELECTION

 OlgaTokarczuk-is a critically acclaimed Polish writer and winner of The Nobel Prize for Literature and the Booker Prize among others. Her novel, Drive Your Plow Over the Bones of the Dead is a murder-mystery which also examines the moral issues of man’s use and misuse of nature.

The story focuses on the life of an elderly woman, Janina Duszejko, who lives in an isolated, rural setting in Poland. The book begins with the discovery of the death of a disliked neighbor. We learn bit by bit of her belief in the sanctity of nature and all living things. She spends most of her time studying astrology and translating the poetry of William Blake. She also teaches English to young children in the closest town.

Several deaths follow the first one. All the deaths have one thing in common, all victims were hunters and abusers of nature. Janina attempts to help the police by suggesting the men murdered were killed by the animals they abused. Her explanations are waved away as the rantings of a mad old woman.

Every character encountered is fully drawn and gives insight into another aspect of Janina. Wholly original, fascinating story.

Moving Forward

 I was out in public for the first time in two years last night. Except for hurried, masked grocery and/or Target runs or a very rare outdoor meal, this was a first. It was a play performed in a very large, well-ventilated venue. Everyone in the audience, without exception, was masked. It was exhilarating and exhausting. When I got home, I felt as if I had been hit by a truck. I saw many, many old friends, which was wonderful. Everyone was so glad to connect. Truthfully, it felt odd. Strange. It was a combination of joy and fear.

It has been so hard to stay positive for the last two years. Two years. It seemed so much easier to huddle down and cover your head (metaphorically, and sometimes literally). I understand people wanted to have their FREEDOM, but we were trying to protect each other and ourselves. I feel what they gained most often by not masking and vaccinating, was the FREEDOM to get sick and pass it on to others. I’ll never understand it. But I digress.

Trying now to cautiously Move Forward. It’s tempting to stay in the comfort zone, not take any chances. Just dipped a toe. Frightening but necessary to try to get outside life back. Like trying to walk a tightrope for the first time. Trying to move forward. Trying for joy. Joy beats fear, right?

                                  Moving Forward.

THE BETRAYAL OF ANNE FRANK: A COLD CASE INVESTIGATION- FEBRUARY 2022 BOOK SELECTION

 This is a non-fiction account of the investigation into the betrayal of the Frank family near the end of WWII. After successfully hiding for over two years, the family as well as three others living with them were exposed and arrested.  All died in concentration camps with the exception of the father, Otto Frank. This intensive examination was conducted by a former FBI agent brought out of retirement along with his team of forensic specialists, geneticists, historians, IT specialists as well as multiple lay volunteers. Although this work by Rosemary Sullivan could have been dry and hard to collate, it reads like an expertly written, suspense novel or murder mystery. Which in fact it was.

As well as being an astonishing piece of investigative work, it is a disturbing, extensive and informative exploration of what human beings are capable of and can endure.

FAVORITE BOOK OF 2021

This has been another good year for reading. As usual, more books were read or listened to on tape than I reviewed, but the ones below made the cut. I decided a while ago that I was not going to disparage another author’s work. If I don’t like it, I won’t review it. Although I didn’t love The Book of Two Ways, it had many qualities I found fascinating. I mostly enjoyed everything on the list. I always love Olive and her unique perspective. I loved the questions we were forced to consider in The Midnight Library and Peace Like a River.

 

January 2021: The Book of Lost Friends-Lisa Wingate

February 2021: Troubled Blood- Robert Galbraith

March 2021: The Sentence is Death- Anthony Horowitz

                     A Rule Against Murder- Louise Penny

                     The Ruin- Dervla McTiernan

April 2021: Olive, Again- Elizabeth Strout

May 2021: The Forgotten Garden- Kate Morton

June 2021: The Vanishing Half- Brit Marling

July 2021: The Midnight Library- Matt Haig

August 2021: Peace Like a River- Leif Enger

                      Anxious People- Fredrik Backman                      

September 2021: The Book of Two Ways- Jodi Picoult

                           Hamnet- Maggie O’Farrell

October 2021: The Story of Arthur Truluv-Elizabeth Berg

                       The Searcher- Tana French

November 2021: The Lincoln Highway- Amor Towles 

 December 2021: The Gift of Time- Jerry Merritt

 

The mystery genre is typically a favorite and I found a new author to follow with Dervla McTiernan. I also really enjoyed The Midnight Library by Matt Haig. Some may feel the outcome was predictable but I loved the premise and the existential question. Still, if I could only pick one to recommend to a friend, it would have to be Hamnet by Maggie O’Farrell. Exquisitely written, it captured and created an imaginary world that may or may not have been Shakespeare’s reality.

 

 

Words for the New Year 2022

 Beginning in 2013, instead of making New Year’s Resolutions, I’ve been choosing words for the New Year. Thanks, Connie! The words themselves are always written in good faith, and though often remembered, reflected upon even, do not seem to have any power in and of themselves. Sort of like resolutions:)

 I still love the thought of it, so this, my tenth year, I will continue the tradition. As I did last year, I will see them as intentions; Wishes thrown out into the Universe instead of Words to live by.

 My Words/Intentions for this new year are shaped by present thoughts, needs and hopes.

Health

Family

Creativity

May you take the time to find your Word/Wishes/Intentions and have a healthy, happy, altogether splendid New Year.

I liked this so much, I felt it was worth repeating.

 

MOONFLOWER MURDERS- JANUARY 2022 BOOK SELECTION

 

Another Anthony Horowitz who-done-it. A woman goes missing 10 years after a murder at her family's exclusive hotel. Her parents believe her disappearance and the old crime are connected. They employ an ex-publisher to investigate. Horowitz reincarnates a previous character from his mystery,  Magpie Murders and that same ex-publisher who solved the Magpie crime.

A GIFT OF TIME- DECEMBER 2021 BOOK SELECTION

 

An eighty-year-old man meets an alien and is given the gift of time-travel. He attempts to right tragedies in his past. Interesting premise, fun and thought- provoking read.

Chaos , Comfort & Joy

 Chaos, Surgery, Pain, Exhaustion, Family, Chaos, Joy, Comfort, Love, Children, Sea, Sand, Sun, Beauty, Laughter, Recuperation, Rest, Family, Family, Family.

Happy New Year.

And for 2021, too

An Embarrassment of Riches

 As I have shopped for my family for this first Christmas together in two years, I realize there is an embarrassment of riches. Not just physical things, but the riches of family. We just don’t need the physical stuff. I’m wishing with all of my heart not to add to the “stuff” that I have tried so hard to purge. I have failed miserably. One purged drawer. That’s it.  I’m still a work in progress. So here’s what’s important:

 “There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open.”

— Martha Graham

 I think she was talking about the expression of your art but it holds true for all human interaction. What fills my heart with joy is the prospect of being together, of talking, sharing, having meals, playing games, singing, being…. The interaction and expression of all of our disparate personalities, blending in a magical way.  All the things we have missed with sore hearts.

The same Everywhere.

THE LINCOLN HIGHWAY- NOVEMBER 2021 BOOK SELECTION

 Eighteen-year-old Emmet Watson has just been released from a work farm where he served 15 months for involuntary manslaughter. With his father’s death and his mother long gone, he knows he will never be accepted again in his small, Nebraska community.  He plans to leave home with his little brother, Billy and make a new start in California. However, his plans are sidetracked by two stowaway/friends from the work farm.  They hid themselves in the trunk of the warden’s car when Emmet was brought home and showed up at this door. 

What follows is an adventure of epic proportions. Although coming in at almost 600 pages, this hefty novel transports us. Multiple, interwoven narrators tell the story of riding the rails, racial violence, deceit, a stolen car, stolen money, being drugged, an orphanage run by nuns, betrayal, joy, loss, miracles, physical threats. Beautiful, transformative writing, a not-to-be-missed experience.

Highly recommend.

Intention

 

Good to remember in this unprecedented time.

THE SEARCHER & THE STORY OF ARTHUR TRULUV- OCTOBER 2021 BOOK SELECTIONS

The Searcher by Tana French is her second standalone novel, the first being The Witch Elm. Previous novels have centered around numerous characters in the Dublin Murder Squad. The only similarity here is that the main character, Cal Hooper, is a former detective, but this time an American from Chicago.

Hooper relocates after his divorce to a small village in Ireland, hoping for nothing but peace and quiet. His peace is short-lived when he is implored to help with a missing persons case. This novel is beautifully written and a slow burn, building suspense until you are as invested as he is in finding the truth. French is a master of this genre.

Recommend.

The Story of Arthur Truluv by Elizabeth Berg appears on the surface to be a sweet story of unusual friendships. This interpretation is as superficial as that assumption. The story is about loss, loneliness, desperation, depression and the redemptive power of relationships. The novel is surprisingly moving and profound in its insights. A widower, Arthur, in his eighties, meets a young woman by chance. Together they form an unlikely alliance with an initially unpleasant neighbor. All three could not be more different, but somehow fit. Berg is a superb and satisfying storyteller. 

Recommend.

Look

 I’m trying to really look again. Really see. So often I move through the day without. My mother taught me very early to really observe; to see beauty in the natural world all around me, in faces, everywhere. It was a gift. But you can forget to turn on your eyes.

Some things this month have been hard to see. The deaths of two more people known to me. As a result, I saw others I had not seen in decades. It was strange. Moving. I was embraced by a young man I didn’t even know would remember me. I still feel it in my heart. His words were so gentle and loving when it was his heart breaking. My best friend lost another sibling. The second in six months. I don’t know how she stands it.

The best of the month was seeing my son. A surprise visit. A risk for him. A joy for us. That beautiful face. My beautiful boy.

The worst of the month was fear for my daughter’s children. Real terror. I was not strong. I surprised myself. Meltdown. Not good. They are okay. The Unimaginable averted. Fear is a horrifying thing.

I saw rainbows on the wall this morning when I really didn’t want to get up. I think it was my mother. Making me use my eyes. Sending me a message. Keep on, my darling girl, keep on. You, too.

She could have written this because she did.

HAMNET & THE BOOK OF TWO WAYS- SEPTEMBER 2021 BOOK SELECTIONS

 Two very dissimilar books highlighted my reading in September. Hamnet by Maggie O’Farrell by far stood out. It is the fictionalized story of the short life of Shakespeare’s only son, Hamnet. Very little is actually known about the boy or how he died at age eleven. The story renders in heartbreaking and exquisitely beautiful detail the author’s depiction of Shakespeare’s early life, his parents, his marriage, his wife and three children. Told with limited omniscience, O’Farrell weaves a mesmerizing tale of the events, relationships and personalities in Shakespeare’s life before and during the plague years in Europe. In spite of the difficult subject matter, I highly recommend this novel.

The Book of Two Ways by Jodi Picoult was a book club pick. I found this novel confusing in its format. The story skips forward and back so often, the reader doesn’t have a clue which events happened in which sequence.

The Book of Two Ways is an ancient, Egyptian burial tradition which shows two ways, by land or water, to reach heaven in the afterlife. It tells the story of a woman who has lived two lives and is faced with choosing how to continue her story, thus the parallel. The woman has a history as an Egyptologist who interrupted her studies due to circumstances beyond her control. She never returned to Egypt and became a death doula.

For students of Egyptology as well as Quantum Physics the novel covers these topics fairly extensively and is interesting information. There are simultaneously two quite lovely love stories interwoven that make up part of the choice that must be made.

Today is a New Day

 What I am realizing more and more, is today is a new day. Every day is new. A chance for a fresh start. Every breath, a new breath. Nothing is engraved in stone. Except maybe on a tombstone. (Is that where that expression comes from?) But even then, then what? We don’t know. But until then, fresh starts abound.

It’s been extremely difficult to make plans for a new start during the pandemic. It’s as if I was waiting for it to be over. Like all of us, I expect. But more and more I’m hearing about people being exceptionally creative and prolific during this time. As I talked about before, Willie Nelson wrote a book and new music. Andrea Bocelli created an album. It’s a mindset, I believe.

Life as we knew it changed for sure. I’m not sure if it’s permanent. I suspect not. But no one knows for sure, not even the experts. We’ve not been here before. In the meantime, while I still can, I’m going to keep working toward something besides cooking and laundry and dog-walking. All necessary activities, sure, but think I can do a little more.

I started working on my third book again. It makes me very happy.

Here’s to the new days. Everyday.

PEACE LIKE A RIVER & ANXIOUS PEOPLE- AUGUST 2021 BOOK SELECTIONS

 

I have read two books of note in August:  Peace Like a River by Leif Enger and Anxious People by Fredrik Backman. One of the things I love about being in a book club is the opportunity to be exposed to books I normally wouldn’t have heard of or would have neglected to pick up. Both of these novels fit into this group.

Peace Like a River is Enger’s first novel. It is not easily categorized. It takes place primarily in the Badlands of North Dakota and centers around one family’s quest for justice. Told from the point of view of the youngest son, Rueben, it is equal parts tragedy, romance, adventure and a depiction of fierce devotion.

Tragedy strikes when the family is targeted by two bullies in their small town. As a result, the oldest son must flee a questionably, wrongful conviction for a crime. It poses the question, should someone be convicted of protecting their loved ones? What follows is the family’s search for their son and the colorful, sharply written, diverse characters they encounter on the way.

There is also an element of magic in the form of miracles performed by the father that adds a fascinating and entirely different dimension.

Highly recommend.

Anxious People was also a book club pick. I had read A Man Called Ove previously. I thought it was fine and charming in its way.  However, although Backman is a prolific writer, I was not especially in a hurry to read more of his work. This book proved to be an exception.

A very diverse group of people are taken hostage by a bank robber during an apartment showing. What follows is an examination of each person’s motivations and thoughts during the experience. This includes the two police officers that are called to the scene and who interview the victims afterwards.

The novel is laced with an examination of human nature, laugh-out-loud humor, sadness, tragedy, unexpected twists and surprises that play on the reader’s own preconceived notions.

Recommend.

Miles and Miles

Miles and miles away. How does it happen. Families flung into the farthest reaches of the earth. Or at least the country. It happens gradually. At first it seems just temporary. The ramifications unclear.

It makes me long for a time when families stayed in one place. Some still do. But it’s rare. People are mobile. They relocate. They go where the work is. Where opportunities are. Then they find they like it. They build a new life.

I never anticipated a time I wouldn’t see my children frequently; I wouldn’t see my grandchildren grow up. Yet, here it is. I’m grateful for technology and the efforts they make for me to see their faces.

I remember the song I used to sing to my babies, when they were babies:

One of these mornings, you’re going to rise up singing,

Then you’ll spread your wings and you’ll take to the sky…

Until that morning, ain’t nothing can harm you,

With your daddy and mama standing by.

Yes. Absolutely. You want them to fly. You want them to be strong. It’s as it should be. But it doesn’t make it easier. In the meantime, I will savor what I have. Fly, babies, fly. Soar.

THE MIDNIGHT LIBRARY: A NOVEL- JULY 2021 BOOK SELECTION

 

Nora Seed is in complete despair. Her life seems irretrievably broken. She attempts an ultimate solution but while on the cusp of death, she finds herself in an infinite, other-worldly library.

She meets “the librarian,” who seems to be a familiar figure from her childhood. The librarian helps her discover that each book in this endless selection is a possible life Nora could have had, had she made different choices, and can still have. All she need do is open a book. We follow Nora on her journey as she samples alternate lives.

Matt Haig has written a fascinating novel which examines the nature of existence and how choice ultimately changes outcome.

Highly recommend.

Willie

 I recently saw an interview with Willie Nelson on PBS’s Amapour & Company. I highly recommend this show, by the way. It always has the latest news and fascinating, well-researched interviews.

Nelson, who has been sidelined like everyone else since the pandemic, made the most of his time. He has written two albums as well as a book, Letters to America. He spoke about his childhood, philosophy of life and his longevity as a musician, songwriter/poet and a performer.

Two things of many thoughts he shared stood out in particular. First was a song he wrote with these words ‘Energy Follows Thought. So be careful what you say’. Simple truth.

The second was the concept of gratitude for every day you are given. He said, “Make the day worthwhile…I believe in doing something every day to pay for the day.” Earn the gift.

I never thought of Willie Nelson as particularly wise. He himself reflects that he has rarely lived wisely or carefully. But our teachers are everywhere. They show up in the most unexpected places. They show up to remind us, …. If we’re listening.

https://www.pbs.org/video/legendary-musician-willie-nelson-his-letters-america- nie80g/