Look

 I’m trying to really look again. Really see. So often I move through the day without. My mother taught me very early to really observe; to see beauty in the natural world all around me, in faces, everywhere. It was a gift. But you can forget to turn on your eyes.

Some things this month have been hard to see. The deaths of two more people known to me. As a result, I saw others I had not seen in decades. It was strange. Moving. I was embraced by a young man I didn’t even know would remember me. I still feel it in my heart. His words were so gentle and loving when it was his heart breaking. My best friend lost another sibling. The second in six months. I don’t know how she stands it.

The best of the month was seeing my son. A surprise visit. A risk for him. A joy for us. That beautiful face. My beautiful boy.

The worst of the month was fear for my daughter’s children. Real terror. I was not strong. I surprised myself. Meltdown. Not good. They are okay. The Unimaginable averted. Fear is a horrifying thing.

I saw rainbows on the wall this morning when I really didn’t want to get up. I think it was my mother. Making me use my eyes. Sending me a message. Keep on, my darling girl, keep on. You, too.

She could have written this because she did.