Grateful

This is a season of gratitude. Of Thanksgiving. We are encouraged to be aware of what we have. Instead of what we don’t.

First, I am grateful for my family. We are literally spread from one end of the country to the other. I wish this wasn’t the case but it is. So I live with it. FaceTime, texting and email are wonderful things. Perhaps if we were all in one place, as it was when we were, and they were growing up, we would take one another for granted. I doubt it.

I’m grateful for my friends. Those that I have lost and those still here. What a comfort friendship is. It can be like family, actually is family, if you don’t have one. My best friend has been someone I can count on. She has helped me through dark times and even bailed water out of my basement while wearing a Chanel suit. She has made me laugh until I cry. Indispensable.

I am grateful for my home. It’s privacy, warmth and comfort sustain me. I don’t need house beautiful and I certainly don’t have it. We are furnished with Early Attic and Late Basement; we love to say. It’s home. Enough said. But I like it best when it’s full of family.

I am grateful for my new dog, a one-year-old rescue, for starting to fill the hole left by our fifteen-year-old Golden we lost three years ago. He’s a challenge and about to put me to bed, but still, it’s good.

Last but not least, I am grateful for the man I married. No one said it would be easy, we are very different people. If I could go back and choose someone else, I wouldn’t. He’s not perfect and goddess knows I’m not, but he is perfect for me.

Sometimes watching the news or seeing the tragedies around us every day is debilitating. It’s important to not ignore the bad but remember the good.

LETHAL WHITE- NOVEMBER 2019 BOOK SELECTION

Lethal White is the latest in the Comoran Strike dectective mystery novels written by Robert Galbraith. Galbraith is the pseudonym used by J.K. Rowling for this series. I am a fan of mystery and detective novels and have read everything from Agatha Christie to Tana French. I will say that it’s unfair to compare apples and oranges, but Galbraith/Rowling’s two main characters, Cormoran Strike and his partner, Robin Ellacott are two of the most well-drawn and fascinating in the genre.

The four books in order are: The Cukoo’s Calling, The Silkworm, Career of Evil and Lethal White. Each begins where the last novel left off. Intricately plotted, Rowling deftly takes you along as the pieces of each mystery unfold. I’m usually good at deciphering the killer/ bad guy, but so far, I’ve batted zero. She is a master of suspense. Along with the detective work, the reader comes to explore the private lives of the main characters as they develop as well. Although considered stand-alone, it does make the argument to read them in order.

Interestingly, I have never read a single Harry Potter book. I may need to revisit this. Rowling’s skill as a writer is spectacular. I look forward to book number five. Three of the novels have been made for TV with the fourth in progress on BBC1. They have been shown here in the States on HBO and Cinemax.

Highly recommend.

A Week at the Beach with Friends

Friend is a multifaceted word. I have a number of friends. Some are people I really like and wish I could see more of. Some are acquaintances whom I enjoy being with but never seek more time with. There are people I met later in life with whom I am very close and see frequently. Then there are those I have a lifetime history with.

Recently, I had the chance to spend a whole week with two women I have a lifetime history with. This happens so rarely because we literally live in three different parts of the country.

So what makes a lifetime friend? There are several people I have known just as long in years. I have affection for all of them but the bond with these two remains unique. It has to do with immediate comfort. It has to do with feeling safe. Shared history, yes but more than that, a shared sensibility. It has to do with sharing secrets, knowing old secrets, being who you are with no judgement. It has to do with picking up exactly where you left off. Instantly.

How is this possible? I really don’t know. If I am guessing, we have all experienced this with maybe a handful of people in our lives. I remember my incredibly wise mother saying, “If you can count true friends on the fingers of one hand, you are lucky.”

It’s a mystery and a gift and I am grateful.

I

THE LAKE HOUSE- OCTOBER 2019 BOOK SELECTION

Kate Morton is a favorite and The Lake House does not disappoint. Intricately plotted, it begins with a contemporary drama and moves swiftly into a decades old mystery.

The Lake House begins with a young detective, Sadie Sparrow, on a forced sabbatical after a disastrous case which may end her career. Restless and worried, she literally stumbles upon a run-down mansion on the Cornish coast. More to satisfy her curiosity and pass the time, she begins to investigate the house’s history. What she discovers is the decades-old unsolved mystery of a vanished child.

The story is told from the point of view not only of Sadie Sparrow but also of a young girl living in the house at the time of the disappearance both as a child but also as a present day, elderly woman still looking for answers.

The Lake House with its many twists and turns is a family drama, a love story, and a mystery. Wholly satisfying.

Recommend.

The Road Not Taken

There is a reason that the poem below is so often quoted. The problem is we
seldom see its significance until reflecting back on our own lives. As Frost so

elegantly put it, until it’s too late to go back.

We all make decisions every day, from what clothes to wear to what toothpaste to

buy. The interesting thing is we rarely see when certain decisions…that road

choice, will alter the course of our lives. I don’t say this to paralyze but to nudge.

I would urge you to attempt to be cognizant of your choice of road. Be as aware

as possible.

THE ROAD NOT TAKEN

by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

SOUTHERNMOST- SEPTEMBER BOOK SELECTION

Every once in a while a book comes along that takes you with it; that absorbs you. Everything about Silas House’s novel, Southernmost, was that book for me. The last time I was that entranced by a book was when I read Cutting for Stone by Abraham Verghese. It’s hard to define what makes a novel special for each individual. Sometimes it is the story, but often for me what immediately grabs me is the writing. Not only is this story fully original but House is a master craftsman.

Asher Sharp is a fundamentalist preacher in Appalachia. He has been sure of his beliefs all his life; even to the point of rejecting his gay brother at the insistence of his mother. During a catastrophic flood which destroys many homes and takes many lives in his town, he experiences an epiphany. It is this realization and its aftermath that completely alters his life and that of his son.

Because of this heart-change, he feels forced to make a decision that will transform the world he knows. As a result, he meets people and sees places that enrich him in ways he could not have foreseen.

If someone described this book to me to me, I’m not sure I would have been interested. Fortunately, it was once again a book club pick.

Don’t miss it.

The Stillness of Trees

We can learn a lot from trees. Take note of their stillness, their strength, their nurturing of one another, their singularity, their connectedness, their beauty. They offer protection and a home for small birds and animals. Shade. Oxygen, our life’s blood. They ask for nothing back. They just are.

I have always felt a connection and affinity, with trees. It began, as so many things, with my mother. Growing up, we lived across the street from a beautiful park that used to be the estate of a prominent statesman. From the time I can remember we would walk there over the grounds and among the old growth trees. It’s one of my heart memories. My mother would suppose that certain trees were partners. One tall proud one, the father. A wider, spreading, embracing one, the mother. I find myself, even to this day, doing the same thing.

A lot has been written lately about spending time outside and the health benefits of doing so, forest bathing, etc. Books are numerous. Among them: The Three Day Effect by Florence Williams; The Overstory by Richard Powers; The Hidden Life of Trees by Peter Hohlleben. This is not too surprising. It seems it took a while to realize it but finally people are coming full circle. Many ancient cultures believed trees housed spirit or had souls. It’s not hard to understand.

My eldest brother once planted a tree in the yard of our childhood home. It’s still there and flourishing. If I had one wish it would be this:  If you must cut down a tree for any reason, replace it. Plant another one. It’s not just a gift for you. It matters.

TIGANA- 2019 AUGUST BOOK SELECTION

I was given this book many years ago by my daughter. She had read it, loved it and recommended it to me. I kept it and intended to read it many times but because it’s quite a hefty tome, I put it off. Finally, because I was already reading a novel for my book club, I decided to try it on Audible. Aside from initially trying to keep up with the multiple characters and their names (this resolved quickly), it was wholly satisfying.  I loved this book as well. It is an epic fantasy, full of magic, a new world, a war for freedom, survival and hope. It also explores more than one unusual love story.

It has everything, but the thing that stood out for me was not only the beautiful writing but the characterizations. Each character is unique and multi-faceted. Each character takes a significant journey and each surprises.

Guy Gavriel Kay tells us at the end of the novel what inspired him. He says it was primarily memory; that without memory, without nostalgia for what “used to be,” men could live peacefully and without pain. I could not help but draw comparisons to the struggle of the American Revolution. Both were about a country struggling against tyranny. The difference was one sought to recapture what it used to be, the other was fighting to reach for what it could be. The novel reminds us of the power of good, integrity and the unbreakable human spirit.

Recommend.

Seekers

We are all seekers, whether it is to discover the meaning of life, or to discover our own journey and place in life. But sometimes it’s easier to float, not questioning anything, just putting one foot in front of the other. I think one hundred years ago, even fifty, that was more or less the conventional wisdom; the old Puritan Ethic. The model was work hard and don’t think too hard. It was more or less a matter of survival.

At about that time, the late sixties, the paradigm shifted. For many Timothy Leary summed it up with his famous, "Turn on, tune in, drop out.” The pendulum swung to the opposite side. Everything was a colorful jumble of ideas, philosophies and lifestyles. While living in a commune sounded idyllic for many it was not sustainable for others. Many people preferred to buy their food rather than grow it, shave instead of grow a beard, wear deodorant rather than smell “earthy.” Many wanted a more conventional way of life without sacrificing the positive ideas.

There are many good things that came out of that time that seem to be sticking around. Beards:); both men and women, are often not afraid to talk about their feelings; Mindfulness; Meditation; a sincere belief in the sanctity of nature; conservation of the Earth; a belief that we are all connected.

Still, with the advent of technology came a double edged sword. In the last twenty odd years, it has robbed us of some of that connection. In some ways we are more connected digitally than ever before but in others we have never been more separate. For some, the struggle will always be the journey. Perhaps the pendulum is swinging in another direction altogether.

I do have faith in basic human kindness and intelligence. So I do believe the Seeker in all of us will figure it out. Consider the words of Rainer Maria Rilke in Letters to a Young Poet:

"Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer."

      September, Pisgah Pike, Versailles, Ky.            Photographer: Whit Chandler

THE TRESPASSER- JULY 2019 BOOK SELECTION

I fell in love with Tana French’s writing several years ago when a friend gave me her first book, In the Woods. French sets all of her novels in Ireland, her home country. Each story takes a character from the fictitious Dublin Murder Squad and follows them as they attempt to solve a crime. Every crime is seemingly unsolvable, or too easy to solve.

French is a talented writer with a gift for pulse pounding suspense, an understanding of human character, and a knack for unique storytelling. She pulls no punches. These characters are real, fleshed-out, and believable. No superheroes. Nevertheless, their abilities are an extraordinary combination of doggedness and intuition.

The main character in The Trespasser, Detective Antoinette Conway, is fighting for a place in the infamous, male-dominated Murder Squad. She has to endure harassment and vicious pranks on a daily basis. Her only ally is her partner. The story follows her attempt to solve the murder of a young woman. Pressure from her superiors and colleagues push her toward making it a slam-dunk case. If she goes along, it might make things a lot easier for her in the squad room. But that’s not her style.

Observing her methodical, careful investigation was fascinating. I have read six of Tana French’s seven books to date. This may be my favorite.

Highly recommend.

The World Keeps Turning

Have you ever wondered how the world keeps turning, regardless of what happens? How it keeps turning without our loved ones in it? It seems as if there should be a pause, but there never is.

How do we keep going? We just do. We don’t have to, but we do. We push our feelings back and down into a dark safe place, so we can move on.

Sometimes, at the most unexpected times, they push back and surface and you are filled with grief all over again. This happened to me recently. I think about my parents often and look for signs all the time that they are around, but this was different. I was standing in the kitchen preparing breakfast, I think. It was a beautiful, sunny, summer day. The leaves on the trees outside the window were unspeakably green. Something sparked in me and my heart clenched with missing my mother. I used to talk with her almost daily; something I do often with my daughter, too. It was such a gift.

She has been gone quite a long time but when she died, it was almost a relief. Her quality of life had been declining one painful moment, month, year at a time. We were together, but it was not easy. There were beautiful moments, but overall there was deep sadness. I wanted her to laugh, sing, dance, write, soar, as she always had. It was a long time before I could remember the beauty. That summer day, I did.

Inevitably, this led to thoughts of my father. My father left this world quickly. There was no preparation. Perhaps that is why it’s so much easier to remember the beauty with him. The grief was sharp and instantaneous. There were no painful years of watching him suffer and retreat.

Neither way was easy. Neither way would I wish on anyone. But if I have to wish, I hope my going is swift and sweet. That my children and theirs are left with the laughter and beauty. And the world keeps turning. As it should.

The exquisite photograph below is by my friend Connie Fogle. They say the dragonfly signifies change. A good thing, as the world keeps turning. Dragonflies seem to have struck a chord in our culture. They do have special significance in our family. Maybe, because as Connie says, we are all connected.

                   Photo by Connie LeCroy Fogle

From Connie: “The dragonfly symbolizes many things. When the dragonfly shows up, it may remind you to bring a bit more joy and lightness of being into your life. It also symbolizes transformation, change and adaptability. It may be an invitation to dive deeper into your feelings. It is also a connection with nature spirits and fairies💚and to the Goddess of Creativity in the Mayan culture. If certain creatures, animals and such show up frequently in your life...research the symbolism...we are all connected! 💚💚💚.”

THE HEART'S INVISIBLE FURIES- JUNE 2019 BOOK SELECTION

The Heart’s Invisible Furies by Irish author John Boyne is a deeply affecting novel that tells the story of a young man growing up gay in post WWII Ireland.

The story begins with a young girl as she is literally thrown out of church by a sanctimonious priest for being unwed and pregnant. All this occurs while her family looks on. We learn at the same time, that same priest has fathered two illegitimate children in two other parishes. It nicely sets the scene for the state of mind in Ireland at the time. Being unwed and pregnant was nearly as bad as being gay. All alone and almost penniless, she takes a bus to Dublin and meets a young man who helps her. His fate in an unspeakable act of violence shapes her life and that of her unborn son.

Told in seven year increments, the story follows her son, Cyril, from his childhood as the adopted son of a rich, morally ambiguous father and distant, cold, novelist mother until his death. Cyril was informed from the time he could understand, that he was not a “real” Avery and that he must always refer to his parents as his “adoptive” parents. Despite his neglect, his observations about his family and others are often laugh-out-loud funny.

Even with the sometimes tragic life events, Boyne manages to enchant with his humor and brilliant prose. The characters not only survive but thrive.

The title comes from Cyril, while watching a beloved friend die an excruciating death. He describes his friend in a quote by Hannah Arendt, the German-born American political theorist: “A line came into my mind, something that Hannah Arendt once said about the poet Auden: that life had manifested the heart's invisible furies on his face.”

Recommend.

Footprints

We never truly know how what we do and how we behave affects others. I, for one, hope my actions and behavior have for the most part had a positive effect. I’m sure I am not alone in this but I also don’t think I’m in the majority.

For example, simple kindnesses. When you are on a plane and disembarking or embarking for that matter, do you let the people in front of you go ahead? Or do you push forward, every man for himself? This is such a small courtesy, yet it’s a bit like a small war. Who’s On First! Is your seat going anywhere? Who’s Off First! I know we all have connections, but really? Is it a competition?

Another simple kindness, letting someone in the grocery line with two items go ahead of you if you have a full cart. Stopping to admire (and pat, if you are very lucky) a stranger’s dog. Thanking a representative for handling an inquiry on the phone. Not yelling or being sh**ty because your bill was wrong, or the service technician was not on time. As if it’s their fault.

We are bombarded by details; we have to handle so many as we navigate an increasingly fast-paced world. Let’s face it, it’s stressful. It may be why so many of us bury our faces in our phones, or in computer games or TV. (Game of Thrones won’t solve any problems but it sure makes you forget yours for a while.)

Have you ever known someone who is always mad about something? I have a girlfriend who is always complaining. It wears me out. We are friends by six degrees. Long story. But I find myself avoiding her. Not very kind of me, actually. In my defense, she always seems annoyed at my good nature. As a compromise, I try to push love her way and move on. That’s a small kindness, too.

On the other hand, many years ago I met some wonderful women in Romania. I only spent a handful of days with them in person but they have remained, in spite of time and distance, heart friends.

We all leave footprints on one another, whether we mean to or not. So here’s my pitch. Be unfailingly kind. I promise, it doesn’t hurt. Watch where you step.

SPINNING SILVER- MAY 2019 BOOK SELECTION

I loved this listen on Audible. It was recommended by a friend from my book club and did not disappoint. It's a version of the Rumpelstiltskin fairy tale but set in pre-revolutionary Russia. Three fascinating heroines work separately and then together to beat incredible odds. One is a poor, moneylender’s daughter who takes over her father’s business with unexpected, life-threatening results. The second is a poor servant from an abusive, poverty-stricken home. The third is a highborn princess destined to be Czarina. How the author interweaves their stories is skillful and absorbing. There are definitely magical elements to this story but it is underlaid with realistic, strong female characters.

Naomi Novik is a gifted writer. I was totally involved in the story and could barely put it down. My only criticism was one I read of in a previous review before listening. There are numerous narrators and often the voices are quite similar. It sometimes takes a moment to understand who is talking. This may not be a problem in the written form but could be easily remedied here by just saying the character's name before they begin their narration.

Highly Recommend.

The Beauty of Small Things

I think this may be the name of a book or something. Not my original idea.  Nevertheless, I love the sentiment, literally and figuratively.

I love tiny flowers that sprout unexpectedly from sidewalk cracks, bare ground or a field of weeds. I love small birds (well, I love all birds), chickadees, hummingbirds, finches, picking their tiny way through this massive world. I love the sound of bees, crickets sawing on a summer night, wind in the grass, leaves rippling. I love the feel of sun on chilled skin, the smell of a child’s neck. I love the events, actions that we think of as small, laughing at something funny, the scents of spring, an arm around a friend’s shoulder. Small things, everyday things.

I saw a video recently that reminded me how unimportant small annoyances are. How it’s important to remember what you actually have to be happy about. It sounds somewhat holier-than-thou, but it’s true. The beauty of small things is really the Big Picture so to speak.

So I promised to report back on my progress. I’m still struggling with the email and social media thing. I’m deeply aware, so that’s something. Also, I have dipped a toe in a short story. It’s progress. A small thing. Slow. But progress.

THE ART FORGER- APRIL 2019 BOOK SELECTION

The Art Forger by B.A. Shapiro takes the reader into the world of painters, famous and not, museums, curators and collectors. The story centers on a struggling artist with a shady past. Claire Roth is an accomplished artist trying to make ends meet while trying to outrun a questionable reputation. She makes a living working for an organization called Reproductions.com. She is quite talented in reproducing famous artworks but the pay barely enables her to scrape by.

A powerful, well-known gallery owner, knowing her past and her ability, approaches her with an altruistic proposal. The gallery owner, Aiden Markel, has possession of a famous painting called After the Bath by Edgar Degas. This painting was stolen along with several others in the actual, famous heist of the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum. The thieves were never caught and the paintings until now, never recovered.

Markel wants Claire to copy the original painting, sell the copy to his buyer, and return the original to the museum. In exchange, he will give Claire a show in his gallery which will kick-start her floundering career. Conflicted but intrigued, Claire agrees to this Faustian bargain.

Shapiro interweaves the story of Isabella Stewart Gardner, her possible relationship with Degas and how she may have come to possess the painting. Shapiro’s novel makes a commentary on human nature and examines the lengths people will go to get what they want, the rationalizations they use and the unforeseen outcomes of such choices. Shapiro skillfully blends fact and fiction into an entertaining read.

She Did Laundry

I used to joke that She Did Laundry would be my epitaph, inscribed for all to marvel over on my headstone. (I don’t really want a headstone, but that’s another thing.) The problem is, it could be a self-fulfilling prophecy if I keep up my current trajectory. I’m not sure why it’s so hard to put aside mundane, daily tasks in order to do something creative, something that feeds the soul.

Is it procrastination? Most certainly. Fear of failure? Possibly. Poor time management? Hmmmm.... I used to say it was lack of time when my children were small, but that old chestnut won’t fly anymore (I love mixing metaphors). So here it is. I have more time, but I manage to fill it with anything I can. The more soul-sucking or boring the better. Not just laundry, but balancing the checkbook, doing bills, doing dishes, scrolling and deleting emails, checking social media. I mean, how many times a day do you need to check email? Realistically? Social Media? Seriously. It’s the quicksand of time. It’s a way to stall.

Intervention is needed. A complete change of modus operandi. I’m constantly preaching to “look up, see the world, move with intention” when I don’t do it myself. My most creative and productive period was when I didn’t do any of the mindless, time-eaters. At all. It's ironic that technological advances made to save time will rob you of time if you let them.

Will I give it all up? Probably not. My intention is to put it in perspective.

My intention is to create space for, well, creativity. As a good friend said to me many years ago, just Show Up.

I will report back.

                                                              Painting by Jonathan Green

                                                     

WHERE THE CRAWDADS SING- MARCH 2019 BOOK SELECTION

My first reaction upon finishing Where the Crawdads Sing by Delia Owens was, Wow. Before writing this, her first fiction novel, Owens was a wildlife scientist and an award-winning nature writer. Her background comes to life vividly in the magical, descriptive imagery of life in the isolated marshes of North Carolina.

We meet Kya, the main character as an almost feral child, abandoned and alone, surviving against all odds in an isolated shack in a remote region of the marsh. The story is of endurance, strength and coming of age. It’s a love story, a murder mystery, a trial drama and so much more. 

Owens, living in a remote region of Idaho, knows something about loneliness. Her descriptions of Kya’s struggles come from the heart. Owens was recently profiled on CBS Sunday Morning’s broadcast and her novel is currently in its third week at the top of the New York Times bestseller list.

Highly Recommend.

Moments II

I cannot do better describing my revelations than I did in January of 2017. So, a reminder:

Once again, this holiday, I remembered what is most important in my life. Relationships. Once again, I was reminded that all we have are moments. This moment, right now. Always, right now. We have memories, of course. But they are just that. Memories. So we must be sure we are present, appreciating every one.

It can be as simple as holding a baby on your chest. Or holding someone’s hand as you look at the ocean. Or hugging your dog. Or sharing laughter over a silly game. Or eating biscuits with honey for breakfast two days in a row. Or more.

The bad stuff will come and go. Misunderstandings, hurt feelings, lost jobs, lost people. The good stuff may only come in moments. So grab them. Hold them tight. See the beauty around you. Savor joy when it comes.

One moment, Kiawah Island, December 2018

BECOMING- FEBRUARY 2019 BOOK SELECTION

This month’s book was another Book Club selection. Becoming by Michelle Obama is an engrossing personal biography taking the reader from her birth in the south side of Chicago through her days as First Lady of the United States.

This book is dense and full of personal detail. It is not self-effacing nor self-aggrandizing. She allows us to see her most personal struggles, from piano lessons as a child, to critical school counselors, to fertility, to reluctance to enter the political arena with her husband. We experience the surreal and challenging life of being the First Family.

I was already a fan of Michelle Obama, but after reading this book, my admiration for her strength and integrity grew exponentially. She and her extraordinary husband took on a task that could have destroyed them. Their humility, intelligence and resilience could serve as a blueprint for every leader of the free world. We are less without them.

Highly Recommend.