Chaos , Comfort & Joy

 Chaos, Surgery, Pain, Exhaustion, Family, Chaos, Joy, Comfort, Love, Children, Sea, Sand, Sun, Beauty, Laughter, Recuperation, Rest, Family, Family, Family.

Happy New Year.

And for 2021, too

An Embarrassment of Riches

 As I have shopped for my family for this first Christmas together in two years, I realize there is an embarrassment of riches. Not just physical things, but the riches of family. We just don’t need the physical stuff. I’m wishing with all of my heart not to add to the “stuff” that I have tried so hard to purge. I have failed miserably. One purged drawer. That’s it.  I’m still a work in progress. So here’s what’s important:

 “There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open.”

— Martha Graham

 I think she was talking about the expression of your art but it holds true for all human interaction. What fills my heart with joy is the prospect of being together, of talking, sharing, having meals, playing games, singing, being…. The interaction and expression of all of our disparate personalities, blending in a magical way.  All the things we have missed with sore hearts.

The same Everywhere.

THE LINCOLN HIGHWAY- NOVEMBER 2021 BOOK SELECTION

 Eighteen-year-old Emmet Watson has just been released from a work farm where he served 15 months for involuntary manslaughter. With his father’s death and his mother long gone, he knows he will never be accepted again in his small, Nebraska community.  He plans to leave home with his little brother, Billy and make a new start in California. However, his plans are sidetracked by two stowaway/friends from the work farm.  They hid themselves in the trunk of the warden’s car when Emmet was brought home and showed up at this door. 

What follows is an adventure of epic proportions. Although coming in at almost 600 pages, this hefty novel transports us. Multiple, interwoven narrators tell the story of riding the rails, racial violence, deceit, a stolen car, stolen money, being drugged, an orphanage run by nuns, betrayal, joy, loss, miracles, physical threats. Beautiful, transformative writing, a not-to-be-missed experience.

Highly recommend.

Intention

 

Good to remember in this unprecedented time.

THE SEARCHER & THE STORY OF ARTHUR TRULUV- OCTOBER 2021 BOOK SELECTIONS

The Searcher by Tana French is her second standalone novel, the first being The Witch Elm. Previous novels have centered around numerous characters in the Dublin Murder Squad. The only similarity here is that the main character, Cal Hooper, is a former detective, but this time an American from Chicago.

Hooper relocates after his divorce to a small village in Ireland, hoping for nothing but peace and quiet. His peace is short-lived when he is implored to help with a missing persons case. This novel is beautifully written and a slow burn, building suspense until you are as invested as he is in finding the truth. French is a master of this genre.

Recommend.

The Story of Arthur Truluv by Elizabeth Berg appears on the surface to be a sweet story of unusual friendships. This interpretation is as superficial as that assumption. The story is about loss, loneliness, desperation, depression and the redemptive power of relationships. The novel is surprisingly moving and profound in its insights. A widower, Arthur, in his eighties, meets a young woman by chance. Together they form an unlikely alliance with an initially unpleasant neighbor. All three could not be more different, but somehow fit. Berg is a superb and satisfying storyteller. 

Recommend.

Look

 I’m trying to really look again. Really see. So often I move through the day without. My mother taught me very early to really observe; to see beauty in the natural world all around me, in faces, everywhere. It was a gift. But you can forget to turn on your eyes.

Some things this month have been hard to see. The deaths of two more people known to me. As a result, I saw others I had not seen in decades. It was strange. Moving. I was embraced by a young man I didn’t even know would remember me. I still feel it in my heart. His words were so gentle and loving when it was his heart breaking. My best friend lost another sibling. The second in six months. I don’t know how she stands it.

The best of the month was seeing my son. A surprise visit. A risk for him. A joy for us. That beautiful face. My beautiful boy.

The worst of the month was fear for my daughter’s children. Real terror. I was not strong. I surprised myself. Meltdown. Not good. They are okay. The Unimaginable averted. Fear is a horrifying thing.

I saw rainbows on the wall this morning when I really didn’t want to get up. I think it was my mother. Making me use my eyes. Sending me a message. Keep on, my darling girl, keep on. You, too.

She could have written this because she did.

HAMNET & THE BOOK OF TWO WAYS- SEPTEMBER 2021 BOOK SELECTIONS

 Two very dissimilar books highlighted my reading in September. Hamnet by Maggie O’Farrell by far stood out. It is the fictionalized story of the short life of Shakespeare’s only son, Hamnet. Very little is actually known about the boy or how he died at age eleven. The story renders in heartbreaking and exquisitely beautiful detail the author’s depiction of Shakespeare’s early life, his parents, his marriage, his wife and three children. Told with limited omniscience, O’Farrell weaves a mesmerizing tale of the events, relationships and personalities in Shakespeare’s life before and during the plague years in Europe. In spite of the difficult subject matter, I highly recommend this novel.

The Book of Two Ways by Jodi Picoult was a book club pick. I found this novel confusing in its format. The story skips forward and back so often, the reader doesn’t have a clue which events happened in which sequence.

The Book of Two Ways is an ancient, Egyptian burial tradition which shows two ways, by land or water, to reach heaven in the afterlife. It tells the story of a woman who has lived two lives and is faced with choosing how to continue her story, thus the parallel. The woman has a history as an Egyptologist who interrupted her studies due to circumstances beyond her control. She never returned to Egypt and became a death doula.

For students of Egyptology as well as Quantum Physics the novel covers these topics fairly extensively and is interesting information. There are simultaneously two quite lovely love stories interwoven that make up part of the choice that must be made.

Today is a New Day

 What I am realizing more and more, is today is a new day. Every day is new. A chance for a fresh start. Every breath, a new breath. Nothing is engraved in stone. Except maybe on a tombstone. (Is that where that expression comes from?) But even then, then what? We don’t know. But until then, fresh starts abound.

It’s been extremely difficult to make plans for a new start during the pandemic. It’s as if I was waiting for it to be over. Like all of us, I expect. But more and more I’m hearing about people being exceptionally creative and prolific during this time. As I talked about before, Willie Nelson wrote a book and new music. Andrea Bocelli created an album. It’s a mindset, I believe.

Life as we knew it changed for sure. I’m not sure if it’s permanent. I suspect not. But no one knows for sure, not even the experts. We’ve not been here before. In the meantime, while I still can, I’m going to keep working toward something besides cooking and laundry and dog-walking. All necessary activities, sure, but think I can do a little more.

I started working on my third book again. It makes me very happy.

Here’s to the new days. Everyday.

PEACE LIKE A RIVER & ANXIOUS PEOPLE- AUGUST 2021 BOOK SELECTIONS

 

I have read two books of note in August:  Peace Like a River by Leif Enger and Anxious People by Fredrik Backman. One of the things I love about being in a book club is the opportunity to be exposed to books I normally wouldn’t have heard of or would have neglected to pick up. Both of these novels fit into this group.

Peace Like a River is Enger’s first novel. It is not easily categorized. It takes place primarily in the Badlands of North Dakota and centers around one family’s quest for justice. Told from the point of view of the youngest son, Rueben, it is equal parts tragedy, romance, adventure and a depiction of fierce devotion.

Tragedy strikes when the family is targeted by two bullies in their small town. As a result, the oldest son must flee a questionably, wrongful conviction for a crime. It poses the question, should someone be convicted of protecting their loved ones? What follows is the family’s search for their son and the colorful, sharply written, diverse characters they encounter on the way.

There is also an element of magic in the form of miracles performed by the father that adds a fascinating and entirely different dimension.

Highly recommend.

Anxious People was also a book club pick. I had read A Man Called Ove previously. I thought it was fine and charming in its way.  However, although Backman is a prolific writer, I was not especially in a hurry to read more of his work. This book proved to be an exception.

A very diverse group of people are taken hostage by a bank robber during an apartment showing. What follows is an examination of each person’s motivations and thoughts during the experience. This includes the two police officers that are called to the scene and who interview the victims afterwards.

The novel is laced with an examination of human nature, laugh-out-loud humor, sadness, tragedy, unexpected twists and surprises that play on the reader’s own preconceived notions.

Recommend.

Miles and Miles

Miles and miles away. How does it happen. Families flung into the farthest reaches of the earth. Or at least the country. It happens gradually. At first it seems just temporary. The ramifications unclear.

It makes me long for a time when families stayed in one place. Some still do. But it’s rare. People are mobile. They relocate. They go where the work is. Where opportunities are. Then they find they like it. They build a new life.

I never anticipated a time I wouldn’t see my children frequently; I wouldn’t see my grandchildren grow up. Yet, here it is. I’m grateful for technology and the efforts they make for me to see their faces.

I remember the song I used to sing to my babies, when they were babies:

One of these mornings, you’re going to rise up singing,

Then you’ll spread your wings and you’ll take to the sky…

Until that morning, ain’t nothing can harm you,

With your daddy and mama standing by.

Yes. Absolutely. You want them to fly. You want them to be strong. It’s as it should be. But it doesn’t make it easier. In the meantime, I will savor what I have. Fly, babies, fly. Soar.

THE MIDNIGHT LIBRARY: A NOVEL- JULY 2021 BOOK SELECTION

 

Nora Seed is in complete despair. Her life seems irretrievably broken. She attempts an ultimate solution but while on the cusp of death, she finds herself in an infinite, other-worldly library.

She meets “the librarian,” who seems to be a familiar figure from her childhood. The librarian helps her discover that each book in this endless selection is a possible life Nora could have had, had she made different choices, and can still have. All she need do is open a book. We follow Nora on her journey as she samples alternate lives.

Matt Haig has written a fascinating novel which examines the nature of existence and how choice ultimately changes outcome.

Highly recommend.

Willie

 I recently saw an interview with Willie Nelson on PBS’s Amapour & Company. I highly recommend this show, by the way. It always has the latest news and fascinating, well-researched interviews.

Nelson, who has been sidelined like everyone else since the pandemic, made the most of his time. He has written two albums as well as a book, Letters to America. He spoke about his childhood, philosophy of life and his longevity as a musician, songwriter/poet and a performer.

Two things of many thoughts he shared stood out in particular. First was a song he wrote with these words ‘Energy Follows Thought. So be careful what you say’. Simple truth.

The second was the concept of gratitude for every day you are given. He said, “Make the day worthwhile…I believe in doing something every day to pay for the day.” Earn the gift.

I never thought of Willie Nelson as particularly wise. He himself reflects that he has rarely lived wisely or carefully. But our teachers are everywhere. They show up in the most unexpected places. They show up to remind us, …. If we’re listening.

https://www.pbs.org/video/legendary-musician-willie-nelson-his-letters-america- nie80g/

THE VANISHING HALF- JUNE 2021 BOOK SELECTION

 

Twin sisters are born in a town so small, it isn’t on any map. It’s the deep south and the color of the skin of the residents is prized above all else. The sisters leave the small town in search of their fortunes.

One day, one sister disappears. She has sought a life she thinks will make her happy as a white woman. The other sister, not knowing where her twin has gone, grieves but makes other choices. The story follows each woman’s journey and the sacrifices they each make as a result of those choices. The long-term impact is felt not only by them but all those around them.

Fascinating and well-written, it examines how every path taken affects not just the individual but the generations after them. Brit Bennett, the author, based the book loosely on an account told to her as a young woman. An interesting and thoughtful read.

Fix Your Heart

Such a beautiful sentiment. In a simple response to bullying online, a young television actor asks a question and creates a movement. 

Lonnie Chavis, whom you may have seen on This Is Us, was being trolled and bullied online for the gap in his teeth. His response was, “I can go to the dentist and get this gap in my teeth fixed, but can you fix your heart?”

This speaks so profoundly to the horrendous battleground that our social media platforms have become. There seem to be people who relish the trolling and criticism of others, doing anything from body-shaming to making direct threats, all while hiding behind the anonymity of the internet.

It seems a direct result of the shameful behavior of our past president who was no-holds-barred in that regard. There are those that say it has always been there; the poison has simply surfaced. However, when someone in great power says it’s okay, doesn’t it give permission?

Chavis has left a message of kindness. Something so simple and wise from someone so young. A kinder and gentler world is something we can all give voice to. #FixYourHeart.

https://www.facebook.com/thelivesofmen/videos/344347326162522/

THE FORGOTTEN GARDEN- MAY 2021 BOOK SELECTION

 Kate Morton crafts the journey of a young girl abandoned at the age of four on a wharf in Australia. She is rescued and adopted and does not know the truth of this until her twenty-first birthday. Many years later, she discovers clues to her past on the Cornish coast in England. Memories surface as she discovers possible links to the very prominent Montrachet family and a mysterious figure known only to her as "The Authoress." 

Unfortunately, she is unable to complete her investigation. It is not until her granddaughter takes up the search that the mystery is solved. Twisted and intricate relationships are beautifully written with very human, exceptionally written characters.

Recommend.

Sense Memory

So many, many, many of my best memories are from visits to the ocean. Earliest memory is driving to Florida to spend Christmas with my mother’s family. My mother and sister in the front seat; me shoving for space between my brothers in the back seat. The first thing you would notice is the scent…. The salty, warm, sunlit smell rushing in the car windows. Unmistakable.

Later, visits with my mom and sister to Kiawah Island. Just girls, eating, laughing, talking. Free. The quality of light. The sun. The seagulls. We never ran out of things to say.

A visit with old friends. A trove of unspoiled sand dollars. Hot cups of coffee at sunrise on the beach.

Then more family, my children, husband, cousins, brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews. Sadness that some couldn’t be there. Grateful for the beautiful chaos of those that could. 

More visits with my children and husband, too numerous to count, full of laughter, warmth, games, walks, togetherness. Boys playing chess. Bike rides. Exploring. Dragonflies. Peace.

Then back with my husband, children, and their significant others, so significant, so thankful they trusted us to be us. Learning the new normal. Surprisingly easy.

A joyful reunion with my two best friends. Perfect synchronicity even after decades. Dolphins. Sandpipers.

 Then back with my husband, children, their significant others and their children. Another generation. Joy that increases with every year. Napping, reading, taking walks, bicycling, games, cooking, eating, laughing. Too perfect.

It makes me wonder how much of what we value in memory is tied to specific places. So much of life comes from the ocean. Yes, that’s part of it. Sense memory by now. But that’s not all. Now, no beach for a year and a half. Do I miss it? Of course. But what I really miss are the people. The faces of those memories. The faces.

OLIVE, AGAIN- APRIL 2021 BOOK SELECTION

 Olive, Again by author Elizabeth Strout revisits the now iconic character of Olive. We first met Olive in Strout’s Pulitzer Prize winning novel, Olive Kitteredge. Cranky, self-obsessed and yet strangely endearing, Olive inhabits every corner of the fictional, small Maine town of Crosby.

As with the first novel, Strout creates characters alive with startling clarity. Everyday lives are fascinating as Stroud explores all the complexities and intricacies of the human condition. Olive, in some way touches each life, if only briefly. As we observe Olive aging, we see her soften somewhat; still prickly but starting to question herself, her life and her choices. Olive, as contradictory as always, is rich reading. This is a novel to savor.

Recommend.

Bucket List

 So much sadness this week. This month. This year. Trying to be upbeat but it’s not easy. On the first day of spring, last Saturday, another good friend died. Not Covid this time but equally surprising and devastating. So fast. Lightening.

Is it too soon to start a Bucket List? Never. Because go*dam*#it, you never, never, never know. Carpe Diem.

So. Here goes. I’d love to see Florence and Tuscany. I’d also love to spend a month with my family in the south of France. There are a lot of places I would love to go as well, but these are at the top. (New Zealand and Nova Scotia come to mind. Maybe somewhere in the Hawaiian Islands?)

Christmas in Kiawah.

See whales in person.

Finish my third book of the Jonathan series.

Read more books.

Spend time with friends.

Family, Family, Family

That’s it. A short list. Maybe I’ll add more later. But this will do.

Cheers.

THE RUIN & TWO MORE MYSTERIES- MARCH 2021 BOOK SELECTIONS

 I’ve been in murder-mystery-reading-mode for the last several months. Perhaps it’s because this genre takes me completely out of the present moment. I’ve started and stopped two other novels (kind of unusual for me, but I simply got bored). I’ve decided to go with my preferences since I choose not to write bad or lukewarm reviews. What’s the point? Authors have a hard enough time being writers; they don’t need my critique if they can’t respond. I’ll leave that to others.

The first two novels are by old favorites, Anthony Horowitz and Louise Penny. The third is by a newly discovered author, Dervla McTiernan.

The Sentence is Death by Anthony Horowitz is the second in a relatively new series. The characters are an irascible, unlikeable, disgraced, former Scotland Yard detective with genius-level skills and a version of Horowitz himself as his somewhat bumbling sidekick. The Horowitz character has been reluctantly enlisted as the detective’s biographer. Good fun.

The Rule against Murder is Louise Penny at her best. Poetic, elegant and insightful, the novel is more than just a murder mystery. The famous detective Armand Gamache is on his yearly holiday with his wife when murder intrudes. A deeply dysfunctional family is holding a family reunion that is anything but. Brilliant character studies highlight and illuminate the human condition. Recommend.

It’s always exciting to find a new author I have yet to read. Dervla McTiernan is a wonderful addition for me to the mystery-crime-detective novel genre. Reminiscent of Tana French but unique in her own right, she proves there is definitely something about Irish writers. The Ruin deftly follows several characters as they intersect and interact over the course of twenty years. The detective, Cormac Reilly, first seen as a young, green officer, encounters a heartbreaking case of neglect, abuse and death involving two children. Twenty years later, he finds himself in the middle of an investigation involving those same, now grown children, and an old friend. Twisty, surprising and satisfying. More Cormac Reilly to come! Highly Recommend.

Reading

 

I have always loved to read but I think now, in this unprecedented time, I find more comfort in reading than I ever have before. I’m sure it is primarily escapism. Many things are comforting, music, nature, talking to family, exercise, my sweet dog, meditation. But I always have access to books. I have read or listened to over fifty books since the beginning of lockdown. Often reading two at a time, while listening to another. A little obsessive, I know. But I’m giving myself permission. It’s helping to get me through. For my husband, who also reads, it’s watching the same movies over and over again. Something familiar. Safe.

We don’t really talk about it, but that’s what it is. Everything else seems to be the unknown. When will this be over? Will I get sick? If I do, would I survive? Seeing the faces of my loved ones. Hugging them. Holding them and not letting go. Travel. Seeing my friends. Dinner with them. Normalcy.

I remind myself everyday how lucky we are. So many aren’t. So many have lost their loved ones. So many on the front lines. Working, working, working to make it better. I do what I can to help. It will never be enough.

I try not complain. So I read. It helps. Find what helps. It’s going to get better.

Sending Love and Peace and Comfort to you.

 

TROUBLED BLOOD- FEBRUARY 2021 BOOK SELECTION

 

I just finished book five in the Cormoran Strike detective series by Robert Galbraith aka J.K. Rowling. At 945 pages, her new novel is not for the faint of heart. Rowling/ Galbraith delivers again. I am a fan of this genre anyway but she never disappoints. I couldn’t stop reading and hated for it to end. Louise Penny and Anthony Horowitz also delight but Rowling/Galbraith is unequivocally the master.

Strike is approached about taking on the 40-year-old cold case of a missing woman. They are already covering a number of cases but intrigued, he and his partner Robin Ellacot take it on. Each character, and there are many, is skillfully drawn. There are deep dives into Strike and Ellacot’s personal thoughts and feelings as well over the year it takes to solve the mystery.

Earlier books in the series are now on television and lose nothing in the transition.

Highly recommend.

Words for the New Year 2021

 

Beginning in 2013, instead of making New Year’s Resolutions, I’ve been choosing words for the New Year. Thanks, Connie! The words themselves are always written in good faith, and though often remembered, reflected upon even, do not seem to have any power in and of themselves. Sort of like resolutions:)

 I still love the thought of it, so this, my ninth year, I will continue the tradition. As I did last year, I will see them as intentions; Wishes thrown out into the Universe instead of Words to live by.

 My Words for this new year are shaped by the political chaos and the pandemic.

 Peace

Family

May you take the time to find your Word/Wishes and have a healthy, happy, altogether splendid New Year.

Some very good ideas…..

 

FAVORITE BOOK OF 2020

 

Maybe in spite of  and maybe because of the pandemic, this has been good year for reading. As usual, more books were read or listened to on tape than I reviewed, but the ones below made the cut. I decided a while ago that I was not going to disparage another author’s work. If I don’t like it, I won’t review it. How to choose? I really enjoyed everything on the list. I was fascinated with American Dirt and its revelations about the exodus from Mexico. I love Anthony Horowitz’s masterful mysteries. The Bone Clocks has made me a forever fan of David Mitchell. I loved them all for different reasons.

 January 2020: This Is the Story of a Happy Marriage- Ann Patchett

February 2020: The Word is Murder-Anthony Horowitz

                        And Then There Were None- Agatha Christie  

March 2020: Ordinary Grace- William Kent Krueger

April 2020: American Dirt- Jeanine Cummins

May 2020: The Distant Hours- Kate Morton

June 2020: Whistling Past the Graveyard- Susan Crandall

July 2020: The Giver of Stars- Jo Jo Moyes

August 2020: The Bone Clocks- David Mitchell

September 2020:  The Dutch House- Ann Patchett & Clock Dance-Ann Tyler

October 2020:  Witches, Midwives & Nurses- Barbara Ehrenreich & Deirdre English; City of Girls- Elizabeth Gilbert; Writers & Lovers- Lily King

November 2020:  In Five Years- Rebecca Serle

December 2020: The Witch Elm- Tana French

 

If I could only pick one to recommend to a friend, it would have to be Ordinary Grace by William Kent Krueger. Beautifully written slice of life in a small southern town interwoven with a skillfully rendered mystery. I’m looking forward to reading more by Krueger this year.

 

THE BOOK OF LOST FRIENDS- JANUARY 2021 BOOK SELECTION

 

This novel by Lisa Wingate is the first selection of my Book Club for 2021. Having read Before We Were Yours by this same author last year, I knew it would be well-written. While I do like historical fiction, it seemed we had read a lot of it during the past year. I was not enthusiastic, but open. The Book of Lost Friends, set during the post-Civil War south and also the present time, was a different iteration of this genre.

Wingate based her idea on true-life ads placed in a newspaper by newly-freed former slaves seeking their lost family members. These stories of loss and separation are heart-wrenching and hard to comprehend. The evidence that this was duplicated at our border just recently does not bear thinking about. The present-day story featured a new teacher seeking to help her lower, socio-economic students of color find part of their history and thus their place in the world.

Three very different women, a former slave, a mixed-race daughter of a plantation owner and the legitimate daughter of that same owner, form the center of the historical story. Due to horrific circumstances beyond their control, they end up banding together to find the missing patriarch of the plantation. With one exception, their strength and resilience form the foundation of their survival.

The modern story follows a teacher in 1987 who, discovering stories of the past, helps her students on a voyage of discovery where they find pride and identity in their own histories. The teacher’s efforts are met with resistance in the small southern town where she is teaching. This resonates with the systemic racism first over one hundred and fifty years ago with the three women, one hundred twenty years later with the teacher. and even now, almost forty years later. Still much to do.

Recommend.