Have
you ever wondered how the world keeps turning, regardless of what happens? How
it keeps turning without our loved ones in it? It seems as if there should be a
pause, but there never is.
How
do we keep going? We just do. We don’t have to, but we do. We push our feelings
back and down into a dark safe place, so we can move on.
Sometimes,
at the most unexpected times, they push back and surface and you are filled
with grief all over again. This happened to me recently. I think about my
parents often and look for signs all the time that they are around, but this
was different. I was standing in the kitchen preparing breakfast, I think. It
was a beautiful, sunny, summer day. The leaves on the trees outside the window
were unspeakably green. Something sparked in me and my heart clenched with
missing my mother. I used to talk with her almost daily; something I do often
with my daughter, too. It was such a gift.
She
has been gone quite a long time but when she died, it was almost a relief. Her
quality of life had been declining one painful moment, month, year at a time.
We were together, but it was not easy. There were beautiful moments, but
overall there was deep sadness. I wanted her to laugh, sing, dance, write,
soar, as she always had. It was a long time before I could remember the beauty.
That summer day, I did.
Inevitably,
this led to thoughts of my father. My father left this world quickly. There was
no preparation. Perhaps that is why it’s so much easier to remember the beauty
with him. The grief was sharp and instantaneous. There were no painful years of
watching him suffer and retreat.
Neither
way was easy. Neither way would I wish on anyone. But if I have to wish, I hope
my going is swift and sweet. That my children and theirs are left with the
laughter and beauty. And the world keeps turning. As it should.
The
exquisite photograph below is by my friend Connie Fogle. They say the dragonfly
signifies change. A good thing, as the world keeps turning. Dragonflies seem to
have struck a chord in our culture. They do have special significance in our
family. Maybe, because as Connie says, we are all connected.
Photo by Connie LeCroy Fogle
From Connie: “The dragonfly
symbolizes many things. When the dragonfly shows up, it may remind you to bring
a bit more joy and lightness of being into your life. It also symbolizes
transformation, change and adaptability. It may be an invitation to dive deeper
into your feelings. It is also a connection with nature spirits and fairies💚and to the Goddess of Creativity in the Mayan
culture. If certain creatures, animals and such show up frequently in your
life...research the symbolism...we are all connected! 💚💚💚.”
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