She Did Laundry

I used to joke that She Did Laundry would be my epitaph, inscribed for all to marvel over on my headstone. (I don’t really want a headstone, but that’s another thing.) The problem is, it could be a self-fulfilling prophecy if I keep up my current trajectory. I’m not sure why it’s so hard to put aside mundane, daily tasks in order to do something creative, something that feeds the soul.

Is it procrastination? Most certainly. Fear of failure? Possibly. Poor time management? Hmmmm.... I used to say it was lack of time when my children were small, but that old chestnut won’t fly anymore (I love mixing metaphors). So here it is. I have more time, but I manage to fill it with anything I can. The more soul-sucking or boring the better. Not just laundry, but balancing the checkbook, doing bills, doing dishes, scrolling and deleting emails, checking social media. I mean, how many times a day do you need to check email? Realistically? Social Media? Seriously. It’s the quicksand of time. It’s a way to stall.

Intervention is needed. A complete change of modus operandi. I’m constantly preaching to “look up, see the world, move with intention” when I don’t do it myself. My most creative and productive period was when I didn’t do any of the mindless, time-eaters. At all. It's ironic that technological advances made to save time will rob you of time if you let them.

Will I give it all up? Probably not. My intention is to put it in perspective.

My intention is to create space for, well, creativity. As a good friend said to me many years ago, just Show Up.

I will report back.

                                                              Painting by Jonathan Green

                                                     

WHERE THE CRAWDADS SING- MARCH 2019 BOOK SELECTION

My first reaction upon finishing Where the Crawdads Sing by Delia Owens was, Wow. Before writing this, her first fiction novel, Owens was a wildlife scientist and an award-winning nature writer. Her background comes to life vividly in the magical, descriptive imagery of life in the isolated marshes of North Carolina.

We meet Kya, the main character as an almost feral child, abandoned and alone, surviving against all odds in an isolated shack in a remote region of the marsh. The story is of endurance, strength and coming of age. It’s a love story, a murder mystery, a trial drama and so much more. 

Owens, living in a remote region of Idaho, knows something about loneliness. Her descriptions of Kya’s struggles come from the heart. Owens was recently profiled on CBS Sunday Morning’s broadcast and her novel is currently in its third week at the top of the New York Times bestseller list.

Highly Recommend.

Moments II

I cannot do better describing my revelations than I did in January of 2017. So, a reminder:

Once again, this holiday, I remembered what is most important in my life. Relationships. Once again, I was reminded that all we have are moments. This moment, right now. Always, right now. We have memories, of course. But they are just that. Memories. So we must be sure we are present, appreciating every one.

It can be as simple as holding a baby on your chest. Or holding someone’s hand as you look at the ocean. Or hugging your dog. Or sharing laughter over a silly game. Or eating biscuits with honey for breakfast two days in a row. Or more.

The bad stuff will come and go. Misunderstandings, hurt feelings, lost jobs, lost people. The good stuff may only come in moments. So grab them. Hold them tight. See the beauty around you. Savor joy when it comes.

One moment, Kiawah Island, December 2018

BECOMING- FEBRUARY 2019 BOOK SELECTION

This month’s book was another Book Club selection. Becoming by Michelle Obama is an engrossing personal biography taking the reader from her birth in the south side of Chicago through her days as First Lady of the United States.

This book is dense and full of personal detail. It is not self-effacing nor self-aggrandizing. She allows us to see her most personal struggles, from piano lessons as a child, to critical school counselors, to fertility, to reluctance to enter the political arena with her husband. We experience the surreal and challenging life of being the First Family.

I was already a fan of Michelle Obama, but after reading this book, my admiration for her strength and integrity grew exponentially. She and her extraordinary husband took on a task that could have destroyed them. Their humility, intelligence and resilience could serve as a blueprint for every leader of the free world. We are less without them.

Highly Recommend.

Words for the New Year 2019

Beginning in 2013, instead of making New Year’s Resolutions, I’ve been choosing words for the New Year. The words themselves are always written in good faith, and though often remembered, reflected upon even, do not seem to have any power in and of themselves. Sort of like resolutions:)

I still love the thought of it, so this, my seventh year, I will continue the tradition. As I did last year, I will see them as intentions; Wishes thrown out into the Universe instead of Words to live by.

My Words for 2018 were Write and Health. As in do and take care of. I’m going to keep those as my words for 2019. I hope for inspiration and time.

Write

Health

May you take the time to find your Word/Wishes and have a splendid New Year.

PACHINKO- JANUARY 2019 BOOK SELECTION

Pachinko by Min Jin Lee was named one of the top ten books of the year by the New York Times as well as being a finalist for the National Book Award, among many other awards. When I chose this as an Audible selection I didn’t know any of this.

My first impression was that it was a gentle book, engaging and an easy listen. If it is possible to inject culture and way of life into writing, Min Jin Lee does so. It was like listening to a watercolor.  

Pachinko is the story of a Korean family that immigrates to Japan at the turn of the twentieth century prior to the World Wars. The story follows four generations of that family; first the women of the family, and then the men as they struggle to incorporate into the Japanese culture. In an unassuming and subtle way we are introduced to the racism and intense difficulties this family and the Korean people in general suffered and no doubt still suffer. All because they were born in Korea and not Japan. The similarities to racism in America are startling, surprising and eye-opening.

Pachinko is the name of a game which becomes the livelihood of the family. In spite of this somewhat shady profession, the members of the family are honest, hard-working, resilient and strong. Fascinating and illuminating.

Recommend.

FAVORITE BOOK OF 2018

I made my first choice for favorite Book of the Year in August three years ago. So for consistency, my year ran from August to July. This has been a bit problematical so I’m going to finish out this year through December. The only problem will be what to choose!!!

August 2017:  Commonwealth- Ann Patchett

September 2017:  June Bug Versus Hurricane- Erin Chandler

October 2017:  Anne of Green Gables- Lucy Maud Montgomery

November 2017:  Still Life- Louise Penny and Magpie Murders-Anthony Horowitz

December 2017: The Beekeeper's Apprentice, or On the Segregation of the   

                          Queen- Laurie R. King

January 2018:  My Antonia- Willa Cather

February 2018:  The Forgetting Time- Sharon Guskin

March 2018:  The Member of the Wedding- Carson McCullers

April 2018: Midnight at the Bright Ideas Bookstore: A Novel- Matthew Sullivan

May 2018: The Cukoo’s Calling- Robert Galbraith

June 2018:  The Good House- Ann Leary

July 2018: Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine- Gail Honeyman

August 2018:  A Gentleman in Moscow- Amor Towles

September 2018:  His Dark Materials- Phillip Pullman

October 2018:  News of the World- Paulette Jiles

November 2018:  Something in the Water- Catherine Steadman

December 2018: Educated: A Memoir- Tara Westover

This has been another good year for reading. As usual, more books were read or listened to on tape than I reviewed, but the ones above made the cut. I decided a while ago that I was not going to disparage another author’s work. If I don’t like it, I won’t review it. How to choose? I really enjoyed everything on the list. I have to pick two. I loved them for completely different reasons.

First is The Cukoo’s Calling by Robert Galbraith, aka J. K. Rowling. I listened to this on Audible. I loved it because I love a well-told mystery and the writing was splendid. Second is A Gentleman in Moscow by Amor Towles. This book was a total surprise and took a while to get into, but was well-worth it. Unique and transporting with brilliant writing.

 

Christmas Memories

When I was a little girl, this was the most magical time of the year. My father made it so. On Christmas Eve, I would go to sleep under duress because I was assured Santa would not come if anyone in the house was awake. While I slept, our living room was transformed into an enchanted wonderland. Balloons, streamers and confetti blanketed the room, toys were strewn everywhere, stockings on the mantelpiece bulged with treats, Christmas music played. The cookies, milk and carrots left for Santa and his reindeer were conveniently gone. Only a few crumbles remained. I was told that jingle bells rang, along with a resounding “Ho, Ho, Ho,” to signal Santa’s presence and departure, but I never heard either. I did not realize then, that of course, many children were not fortunate enough to have this abundance.

I maintained this tradition for my children. I could not have done otherwise. One might argue that this is a gaudy and overly lavish display; that this might engender selfishness and lack of understanding of the season. Nothing could be less true. To ameliorate the overwhelming profusion, my father would allow us to pick three toys to keep and would lock the rest away. Once a month, we were allowed to pick one toy. That way, everything was appreciated, enjoyed and lasted all year. I did the same.

If this was spoiling my children, it didn’t take. They are both the kindest, most considerate, generous and loving individuals I have ever known. I don’t know if they will continue this tradition with their children. I hope so. In that way, my father still lives and shares Christmas with us. 

This is an especially bittersweet time because I miss him so much. I can see him sitting in the corner, watching, laughing, loving every minute of our joy. Merry Christmas, Daddy.

Merry Christmas, All.

                                                          Illustration by Lynn Bywaters

EDUCATED- DECEMBER 2018 BOOK SELECTION

Educated by Tara Westover is a chilling, biographical account of one women’s journey from her rural upbringing in Utah to Cambridge and Harvard and back. A journey that was almost a fatal, both physically and emotionally.

Raised in a fundamentalist Mormon home, Westover yearned for learning outside of her narrow, constricted life. Unable to even attend school because of her bi-polar, religious zealot father’s insistence on supposed, non-existent, “home-schooling,” she was forced to glean whatever information she could from borrowed magazines, music and books.

Westover’s father’s paranoia grew to such an extent that even serious injuries and medical emergencies were only treated at home under the supervision of Westover’s mother, who practiced homeopathic, herbalist techniques. Everyone in the outside world was considered a threat.

As if this behavior was not enough, Westover and her siblings were forced to work for their father under grueling, unsafe conditions in salvage and construction while preparing for the “end of days.” The father’s controlling, domineering personality, coupled with the mother’s bullied, cowardice and compliance acted as an effective brain-washing technique for all the children. This smothering control extended to ignoring physical and mental abuse.

Tara Westover’s recounting of unremitting determination is inspiring, shocking and heartbreaking at the same time. She questioned her abilities every step of the way. Perhaps the very grit that allowed her to survive under such circumstances was the foundation that allowed her to succeed.

Recommend.

Looking at the Ocean

One of my favorite things is people-watching; observing people, especially strangers. It’s endlessly fascinating. Also just watching. 

Airports are a particularly rich ground for this occupation. In a major hub like Atlanta, New York or Chicago, it is very gratifying. You are as likely to see a farmer in a baseball cap from the Midwest as a lovely, dark-skinned woman in a colorful sari. It’s quite amazing what you can discern from close observation. You can often tell how others feel about traveling, at least in that moment. A haggard mother with a year-and-half-year old and another one on the way can’t wait for it to be over. A mysterious, dark-haired beauty, once stunning now simply striking, looks as if she doesn’t have a care. She could be an accountant for all I know, but she looks like an aging, Sophia Loren-type movie star. Or a spy.

I’ve enjoyed people-watching since I was a little girl. I grew up in a mid-sized, southern town. My mother and I (sometimes my sister and brothers would join us) would simply park on Main Street and watch people walk by. Sometimes we had an ice-cream cone or a lemonade.

This seems a lost pastime in the world of computers, laptops, ipads and cell phones. No one even looks up from their devices these days. It’s a real shame. They miss so much. It’s wonderful to observe your fellow humans. After all, they created everything you are looking at, or the ability to look at it. I miss those Main Street days. It was quiet, with quiet conversation and laughter.

One way I have partially recovered those days is by parking in a random spot and just watching traffic go by and having coffee with a friend. We used to call it “looking at the ocean.” I still do, living somewhat land-locked. Again, my mother’s idea. She coined the phrase. What a lovely way to get that quiet. It’s not time lost. It’s time gained. It’s not so much what you are doing, it’s the being present. Being still enough to observe. I sometimes wonder about all my lost time, looking at my phone.

SOMETHING IN THE WATER- NOVEMBER 2018 BOOK SELECTION

I don’t usually choose a book because of the huge media blitz behind it. This novel has had a good bit of that. Nowadays, anyone can say something is brilliant and who are we to argue? Social Media has its pitfalls in that regard. But something about the description of this book intrigued me, i.e. a mystery, a tense psychological thriller, a young couple, a desert island. You get the picture. At the very least, I thought it would be a fun, “beach-read.”

The aforesaid couple, newlywed, is on the perfect, luxurious, honeymoon. Although outward appearances seem to indicate a wonderful life, all is, we have already learned, not ideal. During an outing, the couple randomly discovers “something in the water.” However, long before that discovery, from the first page of the book, we know there is trouble in paradise. From that beginning, the narrator skillfully takes us back to where things go wrong. Full of twists and turns and unexpected complications, the author takes us on a wild ride. It’s pretty heart-stopping.

I had a hard time not wanting to choke certain characters for their repeated, ridiculous and foolish choices. I kept thinking, “Are you kidding me?” But the most interesting facet of the novel was the examination of the concepts of human error, greed, and rationalization and how those aspects of human behavior and unconnected random events can alter utterly a life trajectory.

Fun. Kind of. Disturbing.

Shakespeare in the Park

Aside from writing, one of my great loves is acting. For over twenty years I have been involved with the plays of Shakespeare in the Park. I have worked backstage and on stage and as an Assistant Director in several productions.

At the moment we are in the final week of performances for The Scottish Play. The play, M****** shall not be named due to theatre and actor superstitions. The director doesn’t believe in the superstition but nevertheless, we have had injuries, blown lights, sound issues and the annihilation of our set due to a hurricane. Our opening night was rained out. A bit strange, yes? It is said that the play is cursed because Shakespeare used actual incantations in the witches’ scenes. Hmmmm….. Nasty bit of business.

All that aside, for twenty-five years the performances  in the park have been stellar, with great actors telling the stories and making the language live for modern audiences.

It seems Shakespeare’s plays were meant to be performed outside, under the stars. There is no other theatre experience like it. The audience may brings chairs and/or blankets, a picnic and a beverage of choice to sit in the amphitheater and enjoy the experience with the moon shining through the trees.

“...the play’s the thing…”

                        Hamlet, Act 2, Scene 2

NEWS OF THE WORLD- OCTOBER 2018 BOOK SELECTION

News of the World by Paulette Jiles is another selection made by my Book Club  and another revelation. The novel takes place after the Civil War while the nation is still in a state of unrest. Texas is under martial law in a bid to contain a lawless situation. Captain Jefferson Kyle Kidd, seventy-one, widower and veteran of three wars, makes his living going from town to town in Texas, giving live readings of newspaper articles to groups of interested listeners. Some of his audience cannot read, while others simply prefer to “hear” what is happening.

While in Wichita Falls, near the then Indian Border, he is approached by an acquaintance. He is persuaded to deliver a child, a ten year-old girl, to relatives living in a small town near San Antonio. This child is a rescued captive of Kiowa Indians, having lived with them for four years. Her true family, German immigrants, were brutally slaughtered in front of her. This would be a dangerous and long journey under any circumstances, but there is an additional problem. Johanna Leonberger, the little girl, considers herself a Kiowa and did not want to be rescued. 

The novel follows their four-hundred-mile journey, facing thieves, child-traffickers, murderous Comanche and Kiowa and the Federal Army to name a few. The formation of the bond between the Kep-dun, as she calls him, and Johanna is inevitable but has consequences when he must deliver her to her less than desirable relatives.                  

Not to be missed.

Highly Recommend.

My Reading Life

I love to give books as presents. I am always surprised when I learn that someone doesn’t love reading. Or, they love reading but somehow they just don’t have time to do it. How can that be? Even when I am exhausted, I need to read one or two pages in order to relax enough to fall asleep. Certainly there must have been times in my life when I simply was too tired or too busy to read-when my babies were little, for example. But to go for an extended period of time without reading…., that’s inconceivable to me.

Okay, I’m going to try to be fair here. I suppose there are people that live for extreme sports and aren’t happy when they are not skirting danger. Or hiking. Or painting. Or cooking. Or anything really. For my husband, it’s golf (He is also a converted non-reader J). I love other things, too. But reading? I can’t imagine a full life without it.

Reading is an essential part of existence. It’s every single day. Reading for pleasure is another thing entirely, I suppose. Still. When I used to teach English, there was always required reading and this was usually met with groans. In addition to required reading, I learned to give students the chance to read anything they chose. It wasn’t necessary it be a classic, (they would get those anyway) but just something they would enjoy. It worked every single time.

The Great American Book Read is a big thing on PBS at the moment. PBS developed a list of 100 books that are considered America’s favorites. It asks readers to vote for their favorite/favorites (as if that’s even possible), and it challenges people to read and share and talk about reading. It would be a wonderful thing if it encouraged even one non-reader to try it; to pick up a book.

HIS DARK MATERIALS- SEPTEMBER 2018 BOOK SELECTION

His Dark Materials is a series of three novels by Phillip Pullman: The Golden Compass(also published under the title Northern Lights), The Subtle Knife and The Amber Spyglass. I read these novels many years ago and was enchanted. I recently experienced them again on Audible.com and was not disappointed.

Pullman’s trilogy is considered a masterpiece and is reminiscent of the works of Tolkien and C.S. Lewis. Like those masters, Pullman has created a story of a parallel universe where magic, witches and talking animals are commonplace At the center of this story is a young, fierce, indomitable little girl, Lyra. Her adventures and struggle to combat evil and right the world create a mythical heroine. Not to be missed.

Highly recommend.

  

Book Club!

I have not been in a book club for twenty years. I’ve heard of friends being part of a club but all were closed with more than enough members. My best friend doesn’t read anything but the news on her iPad or political diatribes on FaceBook, so no help there. My husband loves to read but our taste in books is quite dissimilar. Dilemma. 

I love to read. Almost everything. That should be enough but I often also love to discuss books I have just read. It’s nice to hear differing points of view; to discover things I missed. So quite out of the blue, while on a neighborhood information page, I noticed a woman who, having just moved to town, was interested in starting a book club. I contacted her along with about fifty other people! Obviously there is a need here.

As luck would have it, I was out of town for the first meeting. Disappointing, but I read the first book anyway. For the third meeting, I was able to get a hold of the book, and read A Gentleman in Moscow by Amor Towles (See my Book Blog earlier this month). I had never heard of the book or the author and as I related in my blog, probably would not have picked it up; and if I had, not finish it. I’m so glad I did. A wonderful book and another reason to join a book club. Discovery.

I made it to my first meeting last week through a torrential rainstorm (really). I felt a little behind but was relieved to meet two other first-timers. It was fun. I enjoyed it immensely. New, interesting friends, discovering new books. Two of life’s pleasures.

A GENTLEMAN IN MOSCOW- AUGUST 2018 BOOK SELECTION

It’s a pleasure to tell you about my latest read, A Gentleman in Moscow by Amor Towles. This novel was a surprise to me. I had never heard of the author and probably would never have chosen it on my own. How I came to read it is a story for my next blog, but suffice it to say I did.

A Gentleman in Moscow was a slow burn for me. The writing was lovely. It was pleasant. I was not riveted. In another circumstance I may have put it down in favor of something else. I’ve come to the decision, there are so many books I WANT to read, that I won’t waste time on something I don’t love. In this case, that would have been a big mistake. It took about 100 pages, but I was hooked.

An aristocrat in 1922 Russia, the young, handsome, Count Alexander Ilyich Rostov is sentenced to House Arrest in the Metropol Hotel in Moscow. If he should ever step outside the hotel, he will be put to death. It is the beginning of the Russian Revolution and not only is he an aristocrat, but he has written a poem that is considered suspect by the ruling party.

Ever elegant and refined, Rostov creates as rich a world as is possible within his confinement. He comes to discover not only the secrets of the hotel but of the lives and worlds of people that move in and out as occupants and staff. There is secrecy, mystery, hair-raising schemes, humor and drama. How the Count moves from a man of leisure to the discovery of his purpose is intriguing.

The best description is it is like reading in front of a fire on a cold day, covered by a cashmere blanket. The problem, you don’t want it to end. Don’t miss this one.

Highly recommend.

Clutter Me Not

Have you ever thought to notice that objects, articles of clothing, bibelots, things remain long after the owner, wearer, user is gone? It may seem a little dark to dwell on the thought, but to me it seems curious. We often subscribe feelings, memories and reminiscences to these things. Such as “this was my mother’s ring,” this belonged to my father, grandmother, etc. We feel a connection to these objects, almost as if they are a part of the person. Imbued with their spirit somehow. They aren’t, of course. I am certainly guilty of sentimental attachments of this kind.

There is a chair in my home that I pass every single day. This chair was in my grandmother’s house, in my mother’s childhood home. When I see it, I think of them, of their lives so many decades ago. I can “see” it in my mind’s eye. Somehow it is comforting. The chair is not my grandmother or my mother, yet it gives me comfort.

The double-edged sword of this anthropomorphism is twofold. First, the ascribing of such characteristics makes a loss of any these objects a source of grief. Secondly, clutter. Maybe this is just me. But I believe I have every piece of construction paper that my children put a crayon to. I have every letter, card and note my mother ever sent me. I love seeing her handwriting. I love remembering my children’s attempts at drawing. You see the problem here. How to cull?

I am not a hoarder but how to live a freer life? I love the idea of fewer possessions, of not being weighed down with things. So, I’m a work in progress. Wish me luck. But don’t be looking at that chair.

ELEANOR OLIPHANT- JULY 2018 BOOK SELECTION

Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine by Gail Honeyman is unlike any story I have read. Wholly original, funny, sad and surprising, the author invites us into Eleanor’s world and we experience it with her.

Eleanor, the titular character is a loner in the truest sense of the word. Although she works and lives in a metropolitan city, she has only the most cursory contact with others. She tells us she likes it that way. She works, has pizza and vodka on the weekends (to the point of passing out) and talks with her mother once a week.

Eleanor’s lack of social skills makes us cringe but also laugh. There is an Asperger’s-like quality to her interactions, but one suspects early on that this is because she never learned these skills rather than as a result of an organic condition. Her avid intellect is hampered by a complete lack of common sense. Gradually, we learn of her disturbing past.

A chance encounter disrupts her regimented life and causes her great distress. Reluctantly she allows herself to experience new interactions and begins to change. It should be said that this is not a love story in the traditional sense. It’s a story of possibilities, unimaginable loss and transformation. I loved this novel from beginning to end.

Highly recommend.

Les Beaux Oiseaux

Les Beaux Oiseaux. The Beautiful Birds. Ornithology. One of my favorite things. The scientific study of birds. For me, it’s really just a love of watching birds. It is quietly meditative to observe them eat, fly, splash in a birdbath, groom. Serene, artless and calming.

When I was in college majoring in Biology and minoring in English (not a popular choice in the Biology Department, but perfect for me), I needed a zoology credit. Choosing Ornithology was a decision that became a lifelong pleasure.

For the final exam we met the professor in a cemetery at dawn. Not as strange as it seems. Far from being a creepy, dark place full of ghosts, it was radiant and green and full of light and life. Vast stretches of grassy slopes, lakes and huge, ancient trees gave it a mystical quality. The birds were up early, singing their hearts out and swooping from branch to headstone, to branch. Herons stood on one leg and dipped their bills to drink from the still, glassy water’s surface. It was not easy to find everything the professor pointed out, but it was fascinating to try.

Not too long ago I found a wonderful free App called Merlin Bird ID from the Cornell Lab, a research and conservation organization that allows you to identify birds in the field by entering size, color, location, etc. Wonderful.

I’m truly a nerd at heart and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Painted Bunting- Davesgarden.com

I know, right?

And...

Photography by Achmad Munasit aka "asit"