Your Gifts and How You Use Them

 I apparently took July 2022 off. But not in a good way. It’s been a challenging time but it has made me appreciate even more my health and my family. Every time I sensed dark thoughts about to creep in, I was reminded in no uncertain terms how fortunate I am. We forget, you see.

I’ve thought a lot about my mother and the end-of-life challenges she faced. The challenges were not pretty, but she faced them all full of grace. She literally never complained. I have thought of her life, and her gifts which were significant. But as it turned out, the gift she used the most was in giving and taking care of other people. Was that enough? Was that okay? Although I was the recipient of her giving spirit my whole life, I can’t help thinking it was not okay. Maybe it was the time in which she lived, pre-woman’s lib. Maybe it was four children. A divorce. Maybe it was just too hard. Circumstances beyond her control. It makes me weep to think of it.

I’m trying to reconcile it so that her legacy is something that includes all her gifts, not just selflessness. She taught me compassion, kindness; she shared her poet’s eye for loving and appreciating nature, she shared her appreciation of music and literature.  She loved her children so much that her final gift was that of learning service. It’s easy to love and be loved when all is easy and fun. But loving and serving when all is difficult is a whole other thing. It can be soul-crushing.  

They say we blueprint our parents or reject their choices completely. My wish is for my children to use all of their gifts. But most essentially to keep something back for themselves. It’s not just important; it’s critical. Both giving and keeping are possible.