The World Keeps Turning

Have you ever wondered how the world keeps turning, regardless of what happens? How it keeps turning without our loved ones in it? It seems as if there should be a pause, but there never is.

How do we keep going? We just do. We don’t have to, but we do. We push our feelings back and down into a dark safe place, so we can move on.

Sometimes, at the most unexpected times, they push back and surface and you are filled with grief all over again. This happened to me recently. I think about my parents often and look for signs all the time that they are around, but this was different. I was standing in the kitchen preparing breakfast, I think. It was a beautiful, sunny, summer day. The leaves on the trees outside the window were unspeakably green. Something sparked in me and my heart clenched with missing my mother. I used to talk with her almost daily; something I do often with my daughter, too. It was such a gift.

She has been gone quite a long time but when she died, it was almost a relief. Her quality of life had been declining one painful moment, month, year at a time. We were together, but it was not easy. There were beautiful moments, but overall there was deep sadness. I wanted her to laugh, sing, dance, write, soar, as she always had. It was a long time before I could remember the beauty. That summer day, I did.

Inevitably, this led to thoughts of my father. My father left this world quickly. There was no preparation. Perhaps that is why it’s so much easier to remember the beauty with him. The grief was sharp and instantaneous. There were no painful years of watching him suffer and retreat.

Neither way was easy. Neither way would I wish on anyone. But if I have to wish, I hope my going is swift and sweet. That my children and theirs are left with the laughter and beauty. And the world keeps turning. As it should.

The exquisite photograph below is by my friend Connie Fogle. They say the dragonfly signifies change. A good thing, as the world keeps turning. Dragonflies seem to have struck a chord in our culture. They do have special significance in our family. Maybe, because as Connie says, we are all connected.

                   Photo by Connie LeCroy Fogle

From Connie: “The dragonfly symbolizes many things. When the dragonfly shows up, it may remind you to bring a bit more joy and lightness of being into your life. It also symbolizes transformation, change and adaptability. It may be an invitation to dive deeper into your feelings. It is also a connection with nature spirits and fairies💚and to the Goddess of Creativity in the Mayan culture. If certain creatures, animals and such show up frequently in your life...research the symbolism...we are all connected! 💚💚💚.”

THE HEART'S INVISIBLE FURIES- JUNE 2019 BOOK SELECTION

The Heart’s Invisible Furies by Irish author John Boyne is a deeply affecting novel that tells the story of a young man growing up gay in post WWII Ireland.

The story begins with a young girl as she is literally thrown out of church by a sanctimonious priest for being unwed and pregnant. All this occurs while her family looks on. We learn at the same time, that same priest has fathered two illegitimate children in two other parishes. It nicely sets the scene for the state of mind in Ireland at the time. Being unwed and pregnant was nearly as bad as being gay. All alone and almost penniless, she takes a bus to Dublin and meets a young man who helps her. His fate in an unspeakable act of violence shapes her life and that of her unborn son.

Told in seven year increments, the story follows her son, Cyril, from his childhood as the adopted son of a rich, morally ambiguous father and distant, cold, novelist mother until his death. Cyril was informed from the time he could understand, that he was not a “real” Avery and that he must always refer to his parents as his “adoptive” parents. Despite his neglect, his observations about his family and others are often laugh-out-loud funny.

Even with the sometimes tragic life events, Boyne manages to enchant with his humor and brilliant prose. The characters not only survive but thrive.

The title comes from Cyril, while watching a beloved friend die an excruciating death. He describes his friend in a quote by Hannah Arendt, the German-born American political theorist: “A line came into my mind, something that Hannah Arendt once said about the poet Auden: that life had manifested the heart's invisible furies on his face.”

Recommend.